


Always, 520

by renjunismymotivation



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate History, Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Ancient History, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Angst and Tragedy, Arranged Marriage, Cheating, F/M, Falling In Love, First Love, Fluff and Angst, Forbidden Love, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Light Angst, Love, Love Triangles, Loyalty, Male-Female Friendship, Na Jaemin in Denial, Non-Graphic Smut, Original Character(s), Past Relationship(s), Prince Na Jaemin, Princes & Princesses, Romance, Romantic Angst, Romantic Fluff, Secret Relationship, Shy Huang Ren Jun, Smut, Soft Huang Ren Jun, Soft Na Jaemin, Suggestive Themes, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:46:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25915333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/renjunismymotivation/pseuds/renjunismymotivation
Summary: Nothing tops the overwhelming feelings she has towards Renjun. Even when she is married to the perfect Prince Jaemin, her heart still beats for Renjun.While lips can lie, the eyes never.The letters she writes for Renjun become the witness of their secret love, and may the letters be the bridge that connects their love.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Original Character(s), Huang Ren Jun/Original Female Character(s), Huang Ren Jun/Reader, Na Jaemin/Original Character(s), Na Jaemin/Original Female Character(s), Na Jaemin/Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	Always, 520

Nothing tops the overwhelming feelings she has towards Renjun.

Even when Jaemin gives her the charming smile during the ceremony filled with pink peonies decoration, nothing can compete the longingness to have Renjun exchanging place with him as the groom. 

Even when the prince uncovers the veil that hides half of her beauty and pulls her in for the softest kiss she has in a while, nothing can compete the mixed feelings to know that Renjun is witnessing the scene right before him.

Even when Jaemin shoots her an apologetic look in his eyes and whispers a low ‘sorry’ under his breath as he notices her stoic expression during the congratulatory ceremony, nothing can compete the extreme tug at her heart the moment Renjun comes forward with a self-decorated bouquet of pink peonies and a felicitation that sounds too sincere to be true.

While Renjun is good at controlling his voice, his eyes never lie. She recognizes the fire in his hooded eyes as he props himself up from the full bow on the floor. 

“Who is he again?” Jaemin asks, eyes glued on the red traditional clothing that hangs on Renjun’s thin build. “Your people from China?”

Jaemin is not particularly wrong, except Renjun is her only person.

“Yes. He is one of the best youngest scholars we have.”

That is the first long sentence she has spoken to him since the last two hours of them being officially tied together, and she isn’t surprised the sentence is about Renjun.

After all, her heart beats for him.

With most of the people in the state attending the wedding, Renjun disappears in the sea of the crowd in a matter of seconds. There is no hint of the familiar deep red cotton anywhere in her 180 degrees of view. Her heart drops, followed by her expression, before Jaemin takes her hand in his and gives it a little squeeze. She looks up to the person on her left and then to the old man in luxury blue black costume in front of them. 

“Smile,” Jaemin whispers.

She mentally slaps herself into realization and forces her facial muscles to form a polite smile. Her lips curve upwards slightly, just enough to fake a hint of happiness along the countless congratulatory messages the officials offer. She gets through the ceremony well, she thinks, from the compliment she receives from the queen – Jaemin’s mother – regarding her glowing beauty that radiates from within during the wedding.

She finds it a little funny, to be frank, because her soul dies when they are pronounced as husband and wife. The whole ceremony is like a funeral to her disappearing soul, except with an up-beat melody and lots of pink peonies to be true.

“I’m sorry.”

Those are the first words Jaemin utter once the doors behind him are closed and locked. He turns to meet her eyes through the reflection of the mirror as she removes the gold hair pins that hold her hair strong, one by one. The strands of her ebony hair fall, following the gravity, forming waves from the tight braid of 8 long hours. 

“I’m sorry,” he repeats, making his way behind her. He holds his hands up mid-air with an obvious hesitance, as if he is afraid that a sudden touch will break her even more. When he finally puts his hands on her small shoulders, his fingers exert some force and massage the tensed muscles.

She stills at the touch.

“You don’t have to apologize,” she finally says, looking straight into his round eyes through the mirror. “We are both the victims of an inevitable marriage, are we not?” She pastes a weak reassuring smile on her tired face. “I honestly don’t blame anyone for this.”

This – the inter-nation marriage between the prince of Silla and the princess of Tang.

“You don’t seem happy,” he points out, “I notice the blank sheet on your face.”

For a person she just met, he is quite observant to her liking.

“Yes,” she breathes as the fingers on her shoulders work wonders, “I am not particularly looking forward to the wedding...” She pauses. Her mind searches for the right words fast, knowing that such honesty can jeopardize the good relationship between the two countries. “But you seem nice, and I’m glad I’m married to you and not some old men.”

Jaemin chuckles.

“I’m glad too. A beauty like you deserves people your age.”

“How old are you?” It hits her that she doesn’t even know his age. She only knows a piece of information about him, and it’s just him being the future king of Silla once his father is dead (which seems to be soon because he is already too sick to attend the wedding ceremony). 

Jaemin turns out to be a year younger than her, much to her relief, because at least it will be easier to have a bond when they’re around the same age.

The knock on the door startles them as a male announces that the warm bath is ready.

“I’m going to wash up,” Jaemin says under his breath, putting down his hands from the shoulders. His long fingers brush against her arms in the process, sending trails of shivers down her spine. He looks down and opens his mouth for a while before he decides to gulp down the question in his mind.

“What is it?”

Their eyes meet through the reflection. 

“Do you care to join me?”

It is a soft request, coming out prettily from the person she now calls husband. 

“You can refuse,” he quickly adds when she breaks the eye-contact with an obvious blush coming up on her cheeks. “I’ll tell them to prepare another one for you.”

She sucks in a deep breath before she mutters a low ‘sure’, earning a big grin from Jaemin who tries hard to cover the happiness written on his face. 

“This is all for the sake of the nation,” she reminds herself in Mandarin, closing her eyes slightly as Jaemin takes off his clothing one by one and puts on his baby blue robe. He turns around and hands her a red robe, and asks if she needs his help with her clothes.

She is still clad in the thick white hanbok embroidered with red peonies – her wedding dress – and usually she has her maidens to help her. 

“I think I’ll be fine,” she says, hands snaking to the tied string on her back with much efforts.

“From my observation, I am pretty sure you need my help.” He steps closer towards her and unties the string. Her clothes fall off and before Jaemin is able to make any comments, she covers herself with the robe. 

A heavy sigh escapes her lips at how fast her heart is beating.

This is new to her. No one has seen her before. No one, except Renjun.

If Jaemin notices the sudden change in her expression, he certainly respects her space enough to not ask her why. He leads her to his bathroom with silence wrapping around them for a long minute and with a nod and a small gesture, his maids leave the space in an instant.

The secluded wooden bathroom reminds her of her own back in China, together with the rose-scented candles that light up along the trail to the spacious tub. She can see vapours coming out of the water, clouding the aeration windows at the top of the wall. 

Jaemin guides her to the few steps that lead to the tub and stops. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?” He eyes her with a soft gaze, taking her hand in his slowly. 

With a little nod from her, Jaemin lets out a relief sigh and undoes his robe, revealing every inch of his body. His skin glistens under the dimmed light. He looks nothing less than perfect with the beautiful six-pack and a complete package, as expected from the only prince in the palace, and the proud smile pasted on his face tells her he has the same thing in his mind too.

“May I?”

It occurs to her that he is a gentleman to say the least, for all the permissions he asks even when he doesn’t have to. He owns her physically now- or at least that’s what everyone around her keeps on reminding her. 

“Sure,” she whispers. She closes her eyes when he stoops down to her level and unties the robe, discarding it gently from her. She looks away when she feels the long stare by the person before her, hands clenching into a fist out of embarrassment. 

She feels so… exposed.

This is way different compared to the secret baths she shared with Renjun back then, because all she felt was love and the overwhelming need to be embraced by him. He never had to ask for permissions because she let him do anything, anything at all, with no boundaries set.

“We should get into the water before it turns cold,” she clears her throat, gulping down the awkwardness that is choking her. 

Jaemin breaks the stare and mutters a soft apology before he leads her into the warm tub.

For a second, all the longing pain clouding her mind clears. Her tensed muscles loosen up a little bit. The comfortable warmth surrounding her reminds her back to the days when everything was great between Renjun and her, when she would look forward to secret late-night meetings with him.

The pair of strong arms snaking around her waist from behind surprises her, making her jump a little. Her eyes flutter open as she turns around to meet Jaemin’s beautiful face, just inches away from hers. His arms rest around her waist, still. His darkened eyes gaze into hers as he pulls her closer until their lips meet.

It starts with a soft peck before Jaemin brings his palms to hold her lower jaw, deepening the kiss. He tugs at her bottom lip, asking for entrance. And with a heavy heart, she lets him, as she is supposed to. His tongue explore her warm cavern in no time, and for a second, she swears she is seeing Renjun through her closed eyes. Everything about this dominant side of Jaemin screams Renjun, and God, she misses his kisses.

She misses the desperate kisses Renjun showered her when they were finally alone. She misses the way his tongue worked wonders in her mouth, bringing her to the entrance of the heaven in no time. She misses the soft moans that escaped his lips through the kisses, letting adrenaline rush throughout her body and take over her sanity. And of course, she misses the obvious bump she felt in between his legs and the shivers that got on him when she purposely pulled him until the gap between them was non-existent. But nothing can top the way she misses his lustful eyes paired with those beautiful slightly-parted lips of his, chest heaved, when they broke the kiss.

Her lips stop working in an instant when Jaemin touches the places only Renjun has explored, eyes shoot open. The world seems to be spinning because it feels so wrong when it’s not the Chinese man she knew since 18 before her. It feels so wrong when the hand is bigger and definitely rougher than the scholar’s soft one. It feels so wrong when she can sense the obvious hesitation through the touches.

“Oh God!” Jaemin cries, “I’m sorry.” He pulls his hands to his sides and bites his bottom lip. “I- I crossed the line, didn’t I?” 

To be frank, she thinks Jaemin apologizes more than he has to.

“It’s okay,” she breathes, taking his hands in hers. “It’s just a little new to me.” She moves forward and puts those hands against her bare back. “You can touch me. You’re allowed to.”

With those two sentences coming out of her own mouth, she betrays herself.  
Jaemin treats her like a queen, listening attentively to every whimper and breathless moan, exploring her body like a lost traveller because apparently, only Renjun has the complete map, but Jaemin doesn’t have to know that. He is slow with his moves, unlike Renjun who was always in chase of time. He feels nothing magical like Renjun, yet she can’t help but to see Renjun at the back of her mind. And when she finally reaches the heaven, like a habit, she almost screams Renjun’s name before her sanity overtakes her and pulls Jaemin down for a wet kiss filled with moans. 

As if on cue, thunder strikes and rain falls. Under the hazy eyes that can barely focus on the face inches away from hers, she is starting to see hints of Renjun’s pointed nose, scrunching at the intense pleasure, lips forming a beautiful ‘o’ shape. It feels too real – with the heavy raindrops in the background, silencing the moans escaping from him, as always. 

“You okay?”

It takes those two simple words to slap her into the reality, where Renjun’s features are quick to be replaced with Jaemin’s, eyes filled with worry. 

It takes those two simple words to remind her that Renjun is not the person she’s married to, because the Chinese man will only mutter praises, followed by a heartfelt ‘I love you’, after every encounter. He never asks for her condition because the time is always running, and he’s not going to waste any by asking the question he knows the answer to.

“Y- Yes,” she looks away.

She misses Renjun the most when it’s raining.

Renjun would always sneak into her room when the weather was bad because first, no one would hear his footsteps or the filthy noises they made, and second, because he knew very well that she was in fear, particularly when the rain was accompanied by thunders and lightning. “It’s okay, baby. I’m here. I’m always here,” Renjun would always say as he brought her into a tight embrace, caressing her long black hair to ease down the adrenaline. “You don’t have to be afraid now because I’m here to hold you.”

In other circumstances, Renjun would distract her from her fear by telling her interesting facts about the galaxy from the books he read. He was very much into astrology and the universe in general, and watching him talk about the things he was interested in was blissful. From the round excited eyes to the cute giggles due to the corny jokes he made, everything was a blessing in disguise because God, they now become a beautiful memory meant to kill her from the inside.

Jaemin, on the other hand, doesn’t get the hint that she is afraid of the weather. 

“It’s not you,” she states, “It’s me.”

He thinks he hurts her in any ways she is unable to mention, but truth is he is all soft and gentle, compared to Renjun. Jaemin doesn’t go hard in an inhuman pace- but that’s probably because he has all the time in the world. He doesn’t put his hands around her throat to stimulate her- but that’s probably because he still hasn’t learned about her. He doesn’t stay inside her as he rides his high- but that’s probably because he doesn’t know the simple action can melt her away. And to be frank, she doesn’t think she will ever mention all these to him. It took Renjun an encounter to know all her weak spots, but she thinks Jaemin will take a longer time to figure them out himself.

“Good night, princess.”

With a simple wish and a light peck on the lips, Jaemin turns to his right, back facing her. He reflects on his previous actions as his eyes shut, not buying her words that he, in fact, doesn’t hurt her. A muffled sob is then heard, which confirms his instinct. But what he doesn’t know is that his only mistake that night is that he doesn’t hold her to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading the first chapter!
> 
> Tell me what you think about it :)


End file.
